Published January 8, 2011
When I was younger I didn't know
Where all the bodies of dead people go.
Nobody told me they simply decayed;
And all I could think of were all those graves.
I imagined them just beneath my feet,
Under the floorboards, under the street;
And if I happened to walk too slow,
They'd reach through the dirt and pull me below.
I concluded that when a person dies,
He's sealed in a coffin, just his size,
And buried six feet under the ground,
Along with the corpses farther down;
But millions and millions of people had died,
And if they were all laid side by side,
The earth wouldn't hold them, the soil would burst,
And the dead that were freshest would crawl out first.
Sometimes I still have the fevered dreams;
When the creaks and the shadows are not what they seem,
I can hear my worst fear from the years before:
The dead people whispering under the floor.
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138,114 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Creepy but TOTALLY AWESOME. Good ideas (or at least interesting ones, lol), and good rhymes; it never felt like you were pushing, trying too hard to make it rhyme. You know? Good job!
~Blue
Hey there, WPrincess!
I imagined a little girl reading this and it seems so cute. And of course, this is a bit creepy. The pace is good since there are actually no awkward words I have came across with and it's pretty comprehensible. There are only few imageries here I think, but that's one of the reasons why I like it, you've kept this simple.
The only problem I can see here is your rhyming inconsistency at the last part. As you can see, I've quoted two lines that's a tad off in your piece. If you read the last two words, they don't rhyme well. So I suggest keeping up the pace by substituting "graves" to another one. Don't worry, that's just a minor correction. ^^
When all's said and done, I thank you for the good read. This made me smile. Hope this helps and PM me for any questions.
Peace out,
Yuri
Well... that was... creepy. O__O
Very dark and sinister; I like it. In fact, it's probably one of the creepiest poems I've read on YWS so far. The text flows rhythmically and has a sort of fun beat to each line, tempting the reader to take another bite of the slightly morbid poem. I would add more, but Kafkaescene practically took the words out of mouth. Ugh... I feel terrible for being so short and concise, sorry!
Good work and keep writing,
~Error404
Oooo...very creepy....
This is a great poem. The rhyming puts a nice, kind of informal touch to it that you don't see too much of hear. It is creative, funny, and just a tad bit scary. I only noticed one, very small thing that you should change:
"Had" should be "have" in the first line. Didn't I tell you it was small?
Keep writing and having fun with it!